Forget baby steps – Full blown Va Va Voom
Lacking creativity in my work I decided to embark into a new field of art for myself with the prospective idea of having that as a paying job. Enrolling myself not just into intense training but into a more mischevious me. Anyone who knows me will laugh at that sentence as they would probably find the amplified mischievousness a little much ;). However for me, my confidence and dysmorphia it does wonders.
After basically a months training getting thrown on centre stage seems a bit rough. I find it inspiring and stimulating trying to put on the best performance in such a short time, no experience and lots of flaws. As our dance teacher told me – rock the show and act confident then no one will know. So I am working out like mad to get my desired fitness level but as well to not mess up the performance. After 4 hours of dance on Sunday, my knees still burning. I use every moment to rehearse. So if you see this funny person dancing at the bus stop it will most likely be me.
For the second time, I am consuming life to its fullest. Funnily that happens after every rabbit hole I fall down, afterwards, I come out totally parched of life wanting it all. I cannot get enough, it is as if being depraved fuels some fire within.
I am slowly back to my old energetic self that has confidence. I never lost the sass and the fire as that is me, but I made myself susceptible to people treating me badly, which when healthy does not happen.
People’s reactions toward me have changed too. I believe that has to do with my change mental state, obviously my slimmer self, my changed attitude and how I carry myself.
It is as if being depreaved fuels some fire within
Even the blow
For the future, I would like to be able to even out the blows. I need a form of emergency pack with a mental checklist to avoid travelling too far down the whole or even putting a foot in it. I forgot how much a depression nocks your confidence to nil – inexistence as persona is desired. I am still not quite sure what came first, the growing confidence or the way out? Plus I myself am not quite sure what the solution was or the sign that pointed the way out. I have an inkling it might be setting your mind to it and going for it.
Setting your mind to it and going for it
I am a go-getter, a stand-up dust yourself off, giving up is not an option person. I am a romantic as well – I believe the good will win and it has. If not what is the point? Why bother fighting?
At the moment I am enjoying my life again.
For anyone feeling down or suffering at the moment let me tell you; I have been there, it will get better. It is a phase you have to pull through but at the end of this marathon, there is the best reward- enjoying life again.
It is a phase you have to pull through but at the end of this marathon there is the best reward- enjoying life again.