From great height, we fall
Yesterday was ticking along nicely and I felt on top of the world. Today not so much. I had two serious topics I had to face yesterday neither was foreseeable, that is life. However, I should have anticipated the blow of my own emotions, which I did not. More fool me.
This was the emergency pack moment I mentioned in the last post. I could have really used one.
How do I even out those kinks I feel? The tightrope I walk fearing the fall any moment now?
Even I do not have that answer for myself
I know I should not let myself be influenced by other people’s mood, which works mostly. Somehow mastering my own stability is a flaw or scar that has stuck. I am not sure how to manage this mental instability that creeps up when I get confronted with anxiety-inducing topics. I know there should be a solution but I am painstakingly blind to it. As you can see even I have my days when I believe I am over it and it creeps back in. This is the exact reason why staying on top and going to your appointments is so important. I feel the highs and lows on the rollercoaster are getting less and dips too. I am sure it is down to therapy. Though I had my moments of great doubt. I actually even got abandoned by 2 psychologists in that phase, but I gave it all the chances I could. As the fight is only for myself and I am worth fighting for even if some do not see it that way.