Where art thou concentration?
I am wondering when I will be back to my organised on the ball, concentrated self. At the moment I am doubting that this will ever happen.
As I was enrolled into part of my further education, I had this detailed schedule I would follow. It was meticulous madness cramming about 100 pages per day in and doing extra work. Typically organised OCD person and perfectionist. I was considered the perfect student and that during a depression. I hated that whole time and I have no fond memories of then. After passing that part with good grades I fell into a hole. I set my continuation on hold. My concentration and interests plummeted. It was as if my head was capitulating and soul had resigned. For me, it felt like two components not being able in the sense of burnt out, but also not wanting. That all made it doubly hard. Depression kills your concentration and makes focussing a sheer impossibility. So I threw my plans to continue out the window. After finding work again the plight continued. Reading being a sheer surmountable chore that was made harder by any noise that entered my ears. For proofreading absolutely useless.
I used to love reading books even the likes of Shakespeare and Goethe. Nowadays still easy reads seem like a hike up the Everest for my concentration, the typos are presumably the direct result of that. If I am forced to read it takes me some time to get into it and then sticking with it is okay but afterwards, my concentration is inexistent and I am tired and drained.
Nowadays still easy reads seem like a hike up the Everest for my concentration
Patience is a virtue
I know I should be patient with myself, which I am not. Patience is not my forte. I would just love to be my old self regarding that. This chaos and lack of concentration is a leftover that is taking too long for my impatient liking.
For people who have never had to battle a depression or concentration issues, it is hard to understand. They believe you should just try harder. It is not a question of trying harder. I am already giving it my all. It is just I cannot!
It is not a question of trying harder. I am already giving it my all. It is just I cannot!
I do not know how to get out of this inadequacy myself. My friend suggested meditation. I believe he is right. He practices it and says it does wonders for him. Just my problem is finding the time to do it and then consequently integrating it into my busy day.
In the future, I will definitely try harder to find the time and see if I can profit from some form of result. As I really need a solution.