When did I become the drama free one?
Handling uncomfortable discussion with people is not always easy. I used to simply avoid those topics or talks. Get emotionally wound up, cause unnecessary drama and act out. Especially in terms of romantic relationships. I have managed to get the handle on it. Some people still manage to trigger the inner child but the adult ego has the upper hand. I am not sure when it happens or how. In general, I just treat people in the way I would expect and like to be treated. I do not need to feel bad when telling someone off or dumping someone, as do it kindheartedly. That does not mean I cannot or do not lose my cool also. I really try to have myself in check though.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself
The inner child had the upper hand the last few years which meant I lashed out a lot or became defensive. The problem is with communicating on that level the wires get crossed, the dynamics are different and it inhibits a mature discussion. On that level, it is mostly just a manipulation or a power game. There is no learning, no understanding, no growing. A mature discussion enables you to fix things when things are wrong, allows you to connect and grow, gives you insight into the other person and makes for a happier result for all involved parties.
But sometimes or a lot of times do we start behaving like selfish, unthoughtful, petty people. Most humans have this garnered programme (bad behaviour habits) that the learnt over time, it starts up just like when you start your computer the software will start up in the background too. It only takes a bad day and little provocation and off we go. At that moment then and there we should actually flag ourselves, take a step back and ask ourselves what do we want to achieve. I believe evaluating that helps massively to avoid drama, fights and petty behaviour, subsequently stopping the inner child from taking over.
There is plenty fold and I they do have all a certain similarity mostly people getting their wires crossed and how to untangle them. To understand others better but predominantly ourselves it makes sense to read any kind of psychological interpersonal communication book, pinpoint your weaknesses and work on it. The psychologist mentioned below is the one I am familiar with, it does not mean you have to read it or purchase anything of his. I will summerise the basics quickly.
Psychologist Friedemann Schulz von Thun
There are 4 ways to hear and phrase something.
Self-revelation – information regarding the sender conscious/subconscious
Appeal – do something, demand
Relationship – information regarding the relationship and how the people stand to each other
Matter Layer – factual information, data
Every layer can be misunderstood individually. The classic example of Schulz von Thun is the front-seat passenger which tells the driver: “Hey, the traffic lights are green”. The driver will understand something different regarding the ear with which he will hear and will react differently. (On the matter layer he will understand the “fact” “the traffic lights are green“, he could also understand it as “Come on, drive! .”-“command”, or on the “relationship” could hear a help like “I want to help you or if you hear behind it: I am in a hurry it reveals part of yourself “self-revelatory“.”) The emphasis on the four layers can be meant differently and also be understood differently. So the sender can stress the appeal of the statement and the receiver can mainly receive the relationship part of the message. This is one of the main reasons for misunderstandings.
Inner Team – Inner Archetypes – Inner Saboteurs
There are the voices that guide you and help you ideally with a head charing the community but when you are mentally ill or have low self-esteem the negative ones take over and they can get out of hand. Making it sheer impossible to battle them sucking you into their vortex.
Here work is useful. Looking at what they are saying and why. Challenging them by saying the opposite of yourself day in and day out. It is like battling the school bully the more ammunition in form of power you give them the worse they will become. Kill them with kindness. Ever tried to be really nice to rude people it normally disarmes them.