Where is the delete button for my head?
Why do I still miss them and when will it stop?
I know it will stop but the getting there is the problem. It seems, I like to have what I cannot have, but it is not just me. Why are we like that?
I have severed the connection to the two the previously mentioned people but somehow forgetting them seems to be harder than expected. I have not even added her phone number anymore to my new phone to avoid getting in contact, as the only result would be drama. Nonetheless is it silly for me to hope they will reach out and contact me? Miss me as much as I miss them? I know from relationships that you can move on and that they will eventually fade into the nirvana of my mind but when?
Fade into the nirvana of my mind
Meeting up with some old friends I haven’t seen in a long time was a real eye-opener too. On the other side of the spectrum lays this scenario. I have moved on. We have not got much in common anymore. Their status slowly evolved to acquaintances not friends as we are growing further and further apart. Looking back it has been a continuous moving on. Friendships change, grow, evolve, wither, you win some and lose some along the way. I believe it is essential to try to maintain them but not to every price. As mentioned I believe if the person shows effort, you enjoy each others company, they make you happy why not? If they just bring drama, anger, dissapointment or bad behaviour to the table why cultivate such a relation?
Friendship is like a garden that needs tendering to but from both sides. The gardner will not bother if the plants do not give any fruit, the plants on the other hand, will not give fruit if the gardner neglects them.
One thing I have learnt with travelling this much and having friends in two different countries a flight away is that everything needs more investment, more TLC. Friendship and love needs a continuous investment if you want it to sustain from both sides. People like to be on their best behaviour in the beginning and invest a lot to impress a person, as time passes so does that need to put in an effort. Do we all not know that feeling when you start trading in high heels for sneakers? Just because you have known someone for some time or years does not mean they deserve less attention or investment. Remember actively to make an effort and that everyday. You will reap the earnings and strenghten the bond at the same time.
Another important method to maintain old relationships is inverse investment. What does that mean?
The inverse investment means keeping yourself occupied and interesting for other people and not losing yourself in your new friendship or relationship. Following your hobbies, interests and still going out with old friends. It means not just focusing on your new toy like a child at Christmas and losing interest after 5min. It is a more mature and long-term approach to keeping the spark alive. If you have things to tell your partner or friends about it automatically makes you more interesting and keeps the spark alive. The chances of being those old friends/couple that has nothing to tell each other will not have much nurishment.
Friendship and love needs a continious investement if you want it to sustain.
After all this reflective talk I still have not found the solution to getting them out of my system. I guess time will tell…