Toying with yourself
Sometimes commitment phobia needs though love. I mean after all, where do you draw the line? I might have become harder with age when it comes to accepting bs from people. I mean in the end, there is only a fine balance between giving someone a second chance and them taking you for a mug. Where do you draw the line?
With all that is going on, I really don’t want to be bothered dealing with other people’s attitudes or their insecurities.
At my meet up the past turned up by asking to participate, being the friendly unspiteful person I am, I let him participate. Not forseeing the rest that followed…
I was torn between wanting the attention and ignoring him as I did not want to give him a gratification for bad behaviour, which he in the end just embodied without much effort.
Sometimes commitment phobia needs though love
What does it look like?
People who have relationship anxiety have a problem committing or staying in a relationship for a longer period of time. Their feelings of love are experienced as more intense and scary than that of the general population. They feel increased anxiety, which builds upon itself and snowballs as the relationship progresses — and the expectation of a commitment looms larger. They actually do want a long-term connection but their fear is larger and more overwhelming than their wish. They have a pattern of self-sabotage. They may be aware of it consciously but do not know how to slay their dragon or they may be in denial. The worst part is that they do not just put themselves under pressure and stress themselves out, they drag the unknowing love interested into to their emotional turmoil too.
Firstly there is the issue as bystander, what do you do? There are two options – learn to live with it or tell the person to hit the road. Secondly as the inflictor of drama you may ask yourself where the problem stems from, but in the long run if you do not want to be alone, you will have to sort out your own mindset and/or get yourself help. Figuring out what you want will surely help a little but mostly the fear stems from the thought that this is fixed and a sealed deal till eternity or it is the fear of missing out on something better, or even just the partners imperfections. The eternal thought and missing out fear can be counter balanced by reminding yourself that anything in life is rarely for eternity and you always have the option to change your mind. Those thoughts can really help elevate the pressure you put on yourself. When it comes to the fear of choosing someone that is imperfect, well have looked in the mirror, nobody is perfect, learn to love your partners quirks that is what makes them uniquely them!
- Remeber nothing is forever
- You can change your mind
- Learn to love your partners flaws
- Grow, bond, get to know each other as friends
The fourth point is the hardest, as this is the epitome of fear infliction. It is a cat and mouse game of getting closer and then out of panic retreating. Realising there is this cycle is the first step to breaking free, followed by actively embracing your fear and accepting it without retreating. Facing it full front will soften the blow everytime a little more until it the dread will be defeated.
Within accepting the phobia lies the power of solace, as it your soul will find freedom in the exposure.