Getting back on the horse

Online Dating and First Impressions

Online Dating can be super brutal and even worse when you have a low self-esteem or are within the narcissistic spectrum.

I had heard so much bad about online dating lately, especially in terms of Plenty of Fish and Tinder.  Having tried another online dating website that was a horrible experience, I was very reluctant to try another one with the prospect of it turning out the same. After the facebook ad kept popping up in my feed and it seemed nice I decided to join. The inner circle is like a small world, Instagram, elite singles and tinder all rolled into one.

The first impressions of all the guys on that page were wow. Handsome, ambitious, educated and super successful. My first thought was am I enough. I always feel like I am not slim enough, attractive enough or successful enough despite being told otherwise. I do believe it has to do with my experience with men. I tend to get looked at as a piece of meat, a fling, a nice past time, a nice face but nothing serious at least not with the ones I am interested in. That it is like an old wound that does not want to heal and keeps gaping open.

My first thought was am I enough. I always feel like I am not slim enough, attractive enough or successful enough despite being told otherwise.

So there I went against all odds and my inner voice. I added my Facebook data as the app only works with that. I dragged in my old pics, I added some new ones and started typing. At first, my profile was common I am like this and you should be like that blabla. It did not stand out or seem special in any way, shape or form. The first 24 hours were tough, I felt unworthy to be on this dating platform. I was close to giving up and wondered if anyone would ever write.

Change your mindset, stand out and be uniquely you

After the first day, I decided to change things. I had remembered what my mentor had said, “hey you are smart how come do you not know how to market yourself?” I am a typical girl, which means we are not brought up to boast or market ourselves but rather to stay discreetly in the background. If I wanted to attract sensible guys I would have to change that. I would have to stand out make my personality shine and become a little more brazen.

So I researched the internet on tips carried them all together and made kind of a mashup off all the tips. That resulting in the best profile I had ever made of myself. My male friends thought it really capture my personality and said it stood out from an average dating profile.

I will share my tricks with you for a successful dating profile:

  • Have about 5-6 pictures, one headshot for the main, one full body no bikini shots that gives off the wrong impression, the other few showing your favourite hobbies. Yes first impressions count unfortunately here it are Never use photos with sunglasses if you can help it your eyes say so much about you and avoid posting only pictures with friends as how else will they know which one you are? Please no selfies, especially mirror ones or toilet ones and at all times no peace signs, duckfaces or anything like that or have you ever heard anyone call those pictures classy?

 

  • The main picture preferably being a black and white headshot candidly taken, not looking into the camera but smiling with your teeth showing and wearing your hair up. For a man please take a black and white too, looking straight into the camera and smiling without showing your teeth. Most people use colour so black and white really stands out. Headshot should be just you and please no selfies. The other suggestions are based on statistical ascertainment on what the genders deem enticing.

 

  • Never and I repeat never use to old pics. Half a year is acceptable everything else is cheating and will leave your opposite feeling cheated.

 

  • Use the simple but logical formula, who I am, You, a relationship or alternatively what you are looking for.

 

  • Write a zingy text. It does not have to be long but it should show your personality. Keep it short and simple and think about what makes you uniquely you. Feel free to be quirky or make jokes.

 

  • No false modesty. Shine your own light. Be your biggest cheerleader because if you do not find yourself cool why would anyone else? Let’s face it we all attracted to confident people. If you feel like putting a flaw in or otherwise you will feel like hypocrites. You can do that but apply the same rule as in a job interview make it look like a positive. Something along the lines of “I am like Eva Longoria super steamy hot, fiery hot tamales, so much so I can burn a fried egg in a second to a charcoal heap” ;).

 

  • Avoid negative wording. Do not say things like I hope to find the perfect man. That already sounds resigned with hoping. Say something along the lines of my ideal man is……

 

  • Do not look hot and heavy, desperate or all in one. Tone it down. Keep it breezy still stating your expectation but without applying pressure. I want to find someone to settle down with and have a family but if I put that anywhere into my profile any man even the nice ones will feel pressured and run a mile.

 

  • Sex sells but mind the pitfalls and the slim line between slutty and sexy. Suttle sex appeal goes a far way but it can become sultry very quickly. Avoiding things like I am a very sexual being and go for a flexible yoga pic without a comment or say something like, I can tie knots into to cherry stems with my tongue, build something like that into your profile. Or else you might be reduced to a. just sex or b. you take the mystic away from them. Men like the chase, the mystery.

 

  • Do not limit yourself by being too picky. Having standard is good and knowing what you want but I you turn up with a long wishlist you might be excluding somebody who is fitting but not in little details. Keep an open mind and be flexible, you are only going on dates and not mail ordering a groom.

 

  • Do not say things jerks, players and iditios move on, as that might be understood as a challange and as the law of attraction states by naming them you are actually inviting them along for the game.

 

  • Make yourself accesible by having conversation openers. The worst profiles are the ones that interest you but you do not know how to start a conversation with that person as they never provided you with a gateway.

 

Be direct while exuding mystery, be modest while flaunting what you have got, be open while explaining what you need. Be yourself, be flirty, not too cute and keep it brief. Do not lie, exaggaerate, intimdate or irritate.

Happy flirting everybody and may you find your soulmate, as I believe it is never too late in the game to have a second chance.

 

Published by

Sarah

#mentalhealthambassador All the ruminations on this page belong to moi. I am not a certified psychologist or psychiatrist. It is not my intention to force my opinions, ideals, ideas upon you or tell you what to do. This page was created to inspire you, enforce you and hopefully guide you. I am a on a quest to self-fullfillment for a happy, healthy, sporty and adventurous life. By being curious and open-minded I encounter myself, others and the world that sorrounds me in ever changing ways that inspire me. I would like to help reduce the stigma still clinging to mental health. The vessel I choose to transport my message is this blog. This Blog is love and a lot of soul. It is a journey through my realm. A soul striptease. My focus lies on a healthy lifestyle and the awareness movement. To see the change be the change!

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