The good, the bad and the in between
We all have a good and a bad side to us, which one will win the upper hand?
I try to be a good person but sometimes my devilish sides come out. I have this very mean streak of revenge, anger, unforgivingness and glee. I do not know where it comes from but it just breaks out. Does that make me a bad person or is it just human? When have you overstepped a line? When is it too much?
I had a mini shock after getting a not so flattering revue. Okay No.1 I know not everybody will love us and not all human combinations work, No. 2 the review stemmed from a time admits depression, hardship and all sort of things going wrong. So I actually know I should not be overly shook up about it. Easier said then done. I am wondering if I am taking this too personally? All in all it still hit me like a freight train. It made me think about my behaviour of late. Analysing my behaviour and how it has sometimes got me into devil’s kitchen lately. Assessing if it needs to be dealt with. Is it too much? Have I always been like this or am I becoming cocky in certain areas or am I being over sensitive?
I have decided to pay closer attention to my behaviour in certain environments and assess what needs to be changed. I will try to be more polite and less direct, which comes across harsh at times or even dominant I have been told. I will try to not show my resentment towards certain people or their stupidity. Though the latter two will pose the biggest challenge for me. But I want to be adamant I do not want to change my personality but asses what works for me or where I am causing havoc for myself and adjust it accordingly.
I have always been a person you either hate or love. I know it but still, I have not gotten used to it. I remember being a mousy child, a bullied child and always different, from the social-economic background to my heritage. This has shaped me, made though. Then my mental issues made me secluded, harsh and aggressive until I had overcome those. All of that shaped me.
But somewhere in this past there was a shift, from the talkative little girl that could not fight for herself to this phoenix that can rip your head off and manipulate you. Does that make me a bad person?
I do not think so. Like I said, I can. It does not mean I do. I only do that if and when provoked. What I am doing is standing up for myself maybe with a little sass and provocation but when doing so I need to have my eyes on the line so I do not overstep it or I will be in Devil’s Kitchen.
Be bold, be brash, stand up for yourself but also know when to shut up….