The fabric stories are made from
Every good story needs a secret. What is mine you are surely asking?
The excess is mine. My way of coping with emotional distress or pain is basically going into overdrive. The discontent manifesting itself in all sorts of forms. Depending on my feeling and the shape I am in resistance is impossible. Maybe it is the borderline traits or the hedonist in me or even both?
Coping with the loss I took to shopping to fill the void, the time before that I tried to wash away the pain, In another epitome, I took to vanishing – thank god that problem was only minor in hindsight and snapped out of it rather fast. Yes, excess is a friend of mine know all too well.
Yes, excess is a friend of mine know all to well.
But who am I punishing with this? Actually only myself, but my brain has somehow become wired that way. It actually believes this is the best way to cope and I am not the only one that functions that way. Realising this I am always on the ball questioning my choices but does this behaviour not lead to other problems e.g. becoming paranoid about your own choices. I find it tiresome and unnerving. Where is the balance and where do I go?
Learning but what is right?
I try to take everything as a learning experience but does that mean I take everything too seriously? I am trying to de-wire myself from the constant question feed, as I do believe in learning but I see the benefit in not questioning everything after getting to know someone who actually outshines me in that region. It makes you grumpy, lonely, unhappy and paranoid. I am too young to be a grumpy person. As my friend so nicely put it at the weekend we have known each other for eight years and you still look just like you did when I first met you. So if I do not look old why behave old?
Like in all things in life you need to have a balance but that balance is the hardest thing to obtain. It is like love an ever evolving, flowing and transforming matter.
Choices vs Voices
I am happy with my new lifestyle choices even if they are not appreciated and openly welcomed by all. In life, you have to do what is right for you. When I say that I mean things that entail your choices but do not harm others. Annoyances will occur and be unavoidable, unfortunately.
Find your path and follow it…
And if the people love you they will be happy for you.